Author: admin

  • Namaste and Pay

    A field report from Ibiza’s most resilient economic system

    I have sat on the cushions. I have read the WhatsApp messages. I have watched money disappear without ever being mentioned. This is not an attack on spirituality. This is a documentation of how rent gets paid while pretending it isn’t.

    The Arrival

    It usually starts at a finca.

    Candles already lit.

    Cushions arranged in a loose circle that suggests equality while quietly implying a focal point.

    A rack of white, beige, and vaguely ethnic clothing by the door, signalling that whatever you arrived as is not quite right yet.

    Someone hugs you for longer than expected.

    Leave your shoes at the door, normally reserved for religious sites or very clean Airbnbs.

    The Language That Does the Work

    In 2026, in Ibiza, money doesn’t circulate.

    It dissolves.

    No one pays.

    They exchange energy.

    No one charges.

    They receive.

    This vocabulary is not accidental. It is a fully functional operating system. A parallel economy held together by tone, emojis, and the collective agreement that to ask direct questions would be spiritually unsophisticated.

    The phrase “energy exchange” does more labour than most people on the island.

    It converts:

    • A number into a feeling
    • A transaction into a reflection of self-worth
    • A business into a calling

    And most importantly, it ensures that if you feel uncomfortable about the money, that discomfort is yours to integrate, not theirs to explain.

    The Sliding Scale (Emotionally Fixed)

    You are offered a sliding scale.

    It slides, theoretically.

    But emotionally, it is fixed.

    You are told:

    “Pay what feels aligned.”

    What this actually means is:

    • Pay less, feel watched
    • Pay mid-range, feel adequate
    • Pay the top, feel evolved

    No one will stop you from choosing the lowest option.

    They will simply remember.

    Sliding scales don’t measure affordability.

    They measure how badly you want to be seen as someone who gets it.

    “No One Turned Away for Lack of Funds”

    This sentence appears everywhere. It sounds generous. It is also a masterpiece of psychological engineering.

    Yes, you can attend without paying.

    You just need to:

    • Declare vulnerability
    • Offer labour later
    • Accept mild, lingering shame
    • Become a story others quietly reference

    Accessibility is provided.

    Dignity is optional.

    Why the Price Comes Last

    The structure is always the same:

    1. Emotional opening
    2. Spiritual framing
    3. Group intimacy
    4. Scarcity (“only a few spots left”)
    5. Private message with the number

    If the price came first, you might decide with your brain.

    By the time it arrives, your nervous system has already said yes.

    This is not manipulation.

    It is sales without admitting sales exist.

    Holding the Container

    If energy exchange is the financial mechanism, holding the container is the legal one.

    It means:

    • No refunds
    • No guarantees
    • No accountability
    • But infinite seriousness

    Anything that goes wrong will be reframed as part of your process.

    Anything that goes right will validate the work.

    The container is always held.

    Even when it leaks.

    Integration: The Aftercare Economy

    After the ceremony, something happens.

    You might feel:

    • Open
    • Raw
    • Confused
    • Special
    • Slightly foolish

    You are told this is normal.

    Integration support is available.

    Integration usually takes the form of:

    • Voice notes
    • Vague encouragement
    • Another circle
    • Another energy exchange

    Closure is discouraged.

    Continuity is good for business.

    The Community Effect

    No one forces you back.

    You return willingly.

    Because now:

    • You know the language
    • You recognise the emojis
    • You belong to the group

    And belonging is expensive.

    The Final Moment

    At the end, everyone hugs.

    Someone thanks you for your courage.

    Someone else reminds the group that payment confirms your place.

    You step outside into the Ibiza night, lighter in spirit, poorer in cash, and oddly proud of both.

    And if you listen closely, beneath the sound of cicadas and distant bass, you can hear the island whisper its most sacred mantra:

    Namaste.

    And pay.

  • Ibiza Archetypes (2026 Edition)

    Or: How an Island Slowly Ate Itself and Asked for Seconds

    Ibiza used to be a place.

    Now it’s a simulation with good light.

    Somewhere between the third oat flat white and the sixth “closing party” of the season, Ibiza stopped importing people and started manufacturing archetypes. They arrive different. They leave identical. Linen trousers. A DJ alias. Trauma they didn’t have before.

    Below is a non-scientific, highly judgemental, emotionally accurate taxonomy of the island as it exists in 2025.

    1. The Digital Nomad (a.k.a. The Wi-Fi Refugee)

    Remote worker. OK income. Not rich enough to own, not poor enough to leave.

    They rotate between Tulum, Puerto Escondido Mexico, Lisbon, Bali, Medellín and Ibiza like it’s a seasonal flu. Constantly “about to move” but never actually moving. Permanently stressed about rent, pretending it’s a lifestyle choice.

    Laptop open at Passion Café. Slack message unanswered. LinkedIn post about “freedom” loading.

    They say:

    “Ibiza is expensive, but you get so much back.”

    They mean sunsets and cortisol.

    2. The Sold-My-Company Midlife Crisis (Boho LARP – Advanced Level)

    Big house. Range Rover. Breathwork addiction. Parents of Morna Valley kids with names like Neo and Ayla-Moon.

    Formerly impressive. Currently bored. Deeply confused.

    They drink. They take drugs “intentionally.” They talk about “the next chapter” but there is no next chapter. Only another cacao ceremony and a resentment towards their former self who had deadlines.

    Age 30+. Some hold it together.

    Some don’t.

    The island decides for them.

    3. Seasonal Service Workers (Sunburnt Proletariat)

    Young. Tanned. Sweating. Tattooed. Nose pierced. Permanently annoyed.

    They work 14 hours a day serving cocktails that cost more than their hourly wage. Sleep in caravans “to save on rent” (they tell themselves it’s minimalism, not structural failure).

    They vaguely wonder why communism didn’t work out, while participating in the most brutal form of late-stage capitalism imaginable.

    Gone by October. Emotionally unavailable by June.

    4. Year-Round Service Workers (Island Glue)

    Older. Calmer. Slightly amused by everyone else.

    They make Ibiza actually function. They know where to get things done. They’ve seen six versions of you already.

    They don’t talk about spirituality.

    They talk about logistics.

    They win.

    5. Hippie Market Sellers (Textile Globalisation Division)

    Fly to India. Get dresses made. Fly back. Sell them as “hand-sourced.”

    They are not lying.

    They are also not telling the whole truth.

    Always barefoot. Always smiling. Always able to smell money from 40 metres.

    6. Freegans (Beautiful, Broke, Orbiting Wealth)

    No money. No plan. Immaculate cheekbones.

    They hang around people with money like emotional satellites. Eat well. Never pay. Talk about abundance while sending nothing via Bizum/Venmo.

    They’re not lazy. They’re waiting for alignment.

    7. The Spiritual Industrial Complex Hustler

    This is a growth sector.

    Local entrepreneurs. Event hosts. Caterers. “Facilitators.” Real estate agents (boho LARP alert again). Former corporates now raw-dogging life in battered cars that eat their savings monthly.

    They sell healing, land, retreats, cacao, breath, intention and sometimes all of it in one weekend package.

    They say:

    “This island provides.”

    The island invoices later.

    8. Tantric Massage Workers

    “How about 350 euro handjob?”

    No further explanation.

    No shame.

    Clear pricing.

    Honestly one of the more transparent business models on the island.

    9. Spoilt Trust Fund Kids (Global Franchise)

    Everywhere, but Ibiza attracts the deluxe edition.

    Parents’ villa. No urgency. No purpose. Occasional DJ set. Permanent confidence.

    They’re not evil. They’re just untested.

    10. Soul Searchers (Exit Strategy: Unknown)

    Recently ended relationship. Some savings. No plan.

    They arrive saying:

    “I’ll stay a few months.”

    They leave saying:

    “I found what I needed.”

    They found debt and a sound bath habit.

    BOHO LARP. Entry-level.

    11. Baddies (Freelance Chaos Unit)

    Eastern European. Neapolitan. Beach hustlers. Promo boys. Illegal cab drivers. Occasional young Brits or Dutch discovering crime as a summer internship.

    They’ll sell you:

    • a car they don’t own

    • a ride that isn’t legal

    • a bracelet that means nothing

    • a promise they won’t keep

    Some start as club promoters. Some finish worse.

    12. Club Dancers & Promo Teams

    Train in winter. Dance in summer. Repeat until knees or identity give out.

    The human equivalent of seasonal fireworks.

    13. Santa Gertrudis Housewife (Esoteric Edition)

    Goes to Poland. Comes back transformed.

    Yoni steaming. Womb healing. Chamomile discussions. Clearing herself of “negative cock energy.”

    Drives a Volvo. Deeply serious about it.

    14. Retired White People (Two Branches)

    Boring branch:

    Wine tasting commentary. Patatas bravas enthusiasm. Bad padel. Drunk court-side. Miramar during siesta.

    Fun branch:

    Young friends. Hobbies. Curiosity. No fear of new music. These people survive.

    15. Asset-Rich Ibicencos

    Three fincas. A million avocados. Zero cash.

    They’ll rent you their finca. You decorate it. Later they insist the furniture was already there.

    Ancient island magic.

    16. Ibiza Kids (Local Hardcore Mode)

    Raised on five languages and unlimited access.

    Drugs early. Very early. Tics by 15. Still smiling. First psychosis around 19.

    “I’ll call my uncle, we’ll get into Ushuaïa.”


    Final Note

    All of the above are also DJs.

    And also yoga teachers.

    And definitely real estate agents.

    Ibiza doesn’t judge.

    It amplifies.

  • Spirituality Tolerance Barometer 2026 – Ibiza Edition

    Sun, salt, ceremonies, and where the line quietly disappears.

    Ibiza attracts people looking for clarity, healing, discipline, or meaning.

    It also attracts nonsense wrapped in linen trousers and sold as enlightenment.

    This barometer isn’t anti-spirituality.

    It’s about separating:

    • what is functional

    • what is harmless ritual

    • what is psychologically risky

    • what is pure spiritual industrial complex BS

    Use it as a daily tolerance check.


    1–2 | Grounded & functional (actually works)

    • Yoga (movement, breath, discipline — no guru layer)

    • Meditation

    • Temazcal as sweat lodge / sauna (heat, endurance, reset)

    • Sauna and cold plunge

    • Ocean swimming

    • Eating healthy, protein-rich food

    • Good sleep hygiene

    • Breathwork without altered-state theatrics

    • Long walks, silence, proper rest

    Unsexy. No promises. That’s why it works.


    3–4 | Island woo (ritual + psychology, mostly harmless)

    • Sunset intention setting

    • Astrology as a conversation starter, not a decision tool

    • Manifestation as goal-setting language

    • Sound baths on a cushion

    • Ecstatic dance

    • Tarot as a projection mirror

    • Cacao as a social ritual

    Low risk. Low claims. Mostly fine.


    5–6 | Ibiza mild woo (Instagram-optimised spirituality)

    • Human Design

    • Moon rituals

    • Inner child circles

    • Somatic “stored trauma” talk without real therapy

    • Masculine / feminine polarity workshops

    • Breathwork framed as “rebirth” or “DMT activation”

    • Micro-dosing without structure or supervision

    This is where belief hardens and identity starts forming.


    7–8 | High-impact, high-risk

    (Can work. Can break people.)

    • Plant medicine ceremonies (ayahuasca, psilocybin)

    • Can produce insight and emotional release

    • Real risks: anxiety disorders, depersonalisation, panic, psychosis, manic relapse

    • Risk increases with poor screening, repetition, and no integration

    • Kundalini awakening narratives

    • Rapé: blowing ash and tobacco into nostrils and calling it healing

    • Trauma release via shaking alone

    • Disguising swinger orgies as tantra practice

    • Facilitators confusing intensity with healing

    Intensity is not the same as therapy.


    9–10 | Absolute Ibiza BS

    (Spiritual industrial complex)

    • Quantum healing

    • DNA activation / light codes

    • Starseeds and galactic missions

    • 5D ascension timelines

    • Using planets in retrograde as an excuse for being late

    • Energetic money blocks

    • Akashic record readings

    • “Become a healer in three weekends” certifications

    • Explaining doubt as “low vibration”

    At this level, skepticism is framed as failure.


    Ibiza rule of thumb

    If it:

    • uses physics words incorrectly

    • promises transformation without discipline

    • turns altered states into identity

    • sells enlightenment as a package

    …it’s drifting toward 10.


    Spirituality doesn’t need to be destroyed.

    It needs to be demoted from authority and returned to practice.

  • Ibiza Bingo for 2026

    Because if you didn’t hear it, did it even happen?

    Ibiza has beaches, sunsets, and very good tomatoes.

    It also has a dense concentration of spiritual language that appears everywhere: cafés, ceremonies, beaches, WhatsApp groups, and conversations that start with “I’m really feeling into something”.

    This is Ibiza Bingo.

    Not to mock people.

    Not to shame curiosity.

    But to stay lightly sane while navigating the island’s spiritual ecosystem.


    The Ibiza Bingo Card

    Use the card below.

    One word per square.

    A FREE SPACE in the centre, because obviously.

    (Insert your 5×5 bingo card here via embed or image)

    Words include things you will hear unironically, often before noon.


    How to Play Ibiza Bingo

    • Keep the bingo card with you at all times

    • Mentally tick a square every time you hear one of the words spoken seriously

    • Context does not matter

    • Eye contact makes it worth double points

    • Group ceremonies count as rapid-fire rounds

    Ways to Win

    One line (horizontal, vertical, diagonal): Mild enlightenment

    Two lines: Spiritual fatigue

    Full card / blackout: Congratulations, you have reached Peak Ibiza

    Blackout before sunset is considered an advanced level.


    Rules (Important)

    • You are not allowed to argue about definitions

    • “But that’s not what it really means” still counts

    • Saying “quantum” without explaining anything counts immediately

    • Retrograde-related excuses count even if Mercury isn’t retrograde


    Prizes (Very Real, Extremely Valuable)

    🏆 Grand Prize

    • A BS non-sensical therapy

    • Includes a full Akashic Records Reading

    • Delivered entirely through vibes

    • No evidence provided

    • No follow-up questions allowed

    🎖 Runner-Up Prize

    Lifetime membership of

    The Spiritual Industrial Complex – Secret Organisation

    • Members enjoy:

    – Instant authority

    – Deep language with no grounding

    – Total immunity from skepticism

    • No energy exchange needed

    • No money required

    • No responsibility taken


    Important Disclaimer

    Ibiza Bingo is:

    • Not anti-spirituality

    • Not anti-curiosity

    • Not anti-ritual

    It is pro:

    • clarity

    • humour

    • grounding

    • remembering to eat properly and sleep

    If you complete a full card and feel dizzy, drink water and go to the sea.


    Pro Tip

    If someone asks why you’re smiling quietly during a conversation,

    just say:

    “I’m really checking in with what’s landing for me right now.”

    Tick three squares instantly.